Funny Joke!

Hooters Air is going to stop offering regular flights because, as Keith Olbermann said "profits had begun to sag and it was the only choice other than going bust."

Too Soon to Let Go

They are closing my church.

It's the United Methodist Church of Gaylesville, AL and I guess, technically, it isn't my church because I haven't gone there since we moved down to Columbus. But I still feel like it's my church. I'm not a particularlly big fan of organized religion, but I have a soft spot for this particular church. I have loads of good memories from that church. I think, at some point, every member of one side of my family has gone to this church. That's a good feeling.

They're closing it because it only has about 5 members and that doesn't generate enough collections. I think that's bullshit. You shouldn't close a church because it isn't making enough money. You should always keep a church open as long as there are people who want to attend.

Everyone knew this day would come, eventually, but it's still so sad. I hope I can get to attend at least one more time before they close the doors. The 4 hour drive would be worth it.

AHHH!! Lucy Died!

Sorry, reruns of ER on TNT.

My New Favorite Ever

I'm not a huge MadTV fan, but this is awesome.

The Seven Dwarfs of PMS

I found this on Craigslist and thought it was great. Enjoy.

The 7 Dwarfs of PMS
1 Weepy...Usually the first Dwarf to rear its ugly head especially if there is a "touching" moment during things like TV commercials that you ordinarily would not look at twice. This is a sure sign that the rest of the gang can't be too far behind.

2 Piggy... Piggy has quite an appetite for sweet and salty foods. Piggy can usually be found trying to calm down Weepy and make her smile. Piggy is Weepy's best friend but will go overboard in trying to help. If Piggy doesn't watch out then Bloaty is sure to visit.

3 Bloaty... Bloaty comes to town to bitch slap Piggy for chowing down one too many chips. Bloaty takes her job seriously and once she comes to the party she is one of the last to leave. Unfortunately Bloaty wakes the evilest dwarf of them all...Bitchy

4 Bitchy...This bad boy is sometimes referred to as THE Terminator. Don't mess with this character for she is prone to hissy fits. Bitchy takes no prisoners and usually makes no apologies. This evil-doer is likely to have Weepy watching her back and backing her up at any moment so beware. Just when you think you know what Bitchy is bitching about, Weeping will come on the scene and confuse you. Then there is a possibility that you will be the one saying "I'm Sorry".

5 Horny...This one has quite the appetite of a different kind. This creature has been known to have horny hormone levels that rival many 18 year old boys. Bitchy tries her hardest to keep Horny hidden from view. Weepy can sometimes keep Bitchy at bay long enough for Horny to make her move and be satisified. Men, you need to know that she exists and loves to come out to play.

6 Crampy...Never a welcome addition. But Crampy is usually a clear sign that Red-Tide will be here soon. Crampy can really get Bitchy going even worse than Bloaty. One of the best ways to soothe Crampy's attacks is to let Horny do her thing. Sometimes it might be best to sleep through Crampy's visits.

7 Red-Tide... While this character can sometimes be out of control and a messy trouble maker she is always an inevitable and sometimes welcome guest. But once she makes her appearance the end is always in sight. And unfortunately once she makes it onto the scene the others make an extra effort to be noticed and primary.

Today = Meh

Sam is getting sprayed in the face with pepper spray today for police academy and I have an eye twitch from all the shit I have to do for school & work.

But Phoebe is sitting on my lap being very cute chewing on my hair, so things even out.

The Unlikeliest of Places...

I came to a startling realization today for no reason what so ever. I am in that specific group of people who have seen Vin Diesel do something and said "hey, I could do that."

In my defense, it was when he was in Pitch Black and had not yet reached the rock star status that only Chuck Norris can dream of.










Teach me, oh sensei.

Murphy, I Am Your Bitch

Let me tell you how my week has gone.

Tuesday: I had a big midterm Tuesday evening, so I was getting my stuff ready to go study for a few hours with Abbie. As I was pulling my study guide out out of the printer I noticed 30-40 bugs crawling out of the wall. Yes, we had termites. The maintenance guys came over and killed them and I believe the exterminator was here yesterday, but we still have holes in our wall where they were coming through. We spent the night with Sam's mom Tuesday, because ew, gross.

Thursday: I woke up with the worst migriane I've ever had. I also threw up twice and ran a fever. Fun. Sam came home at lunch and found me on the floor in the bathroom. He stayed home for part of the afternoon and took care of me. It was sweet. I finally started feeling better (yay, no hospital trip!) so he went back to school.

Today I'm ok, but my hair is falling out. It's been doing it for a while, but for some reason, today it's really bad. I'm thinking about getting it cut short. Then, at least, there will be short hairs everywhere, not long ones.

Longing for Yore

Remember the good 'ole days when I used to post endlessly about What I Do When I'm at Work (don't forget parts 2, 3, and 4)? Yes, well now that question is answered by such fun as "coding variables into SPSS", "scoring grant applications", "making copies", and the ever popular "catching up on my readings for class." Ah, if only I knew how good I had it.

However, there is one phenomenon that is sweeping the Jackson-Browning household: Splash Back. Anytime there is a lull, however brief, this game is being played on someone's computer. I must admit, Sam is better. He got to level 18 today. I've only gotten to 13 once, I think.

Play it. Then hate me.

Yea, you're welcome.

Life Lesson

Never put a slightly skiddish cat on a retractable leash.

It's just a bad idea.

Phoebe (said slightly skiddish cat) loves going outside. It's her new favorite thing ever. So, not wanting her to get lost/go into the pool area when we take her outside, Sam and I bought her a retractable leash. We got the smallest one, but they don't make them for cats (should've been our first clue) so we had to get the kind for small dogs. I put it on her the next day to take her outside, and she HATED it. She rolled and fought and tried to get it off. But she loved going outside. (I could see her little kitty conflict playing out) I finally figured out that because she's so small, the leash was pulling her collar a lot and kind of choking her. So, I pulled it all the way out and locked it, so she could just run around as far as the leash would let her. She liked this a lot more.

That was late last week. Yesterday (Sunday), Sam and I put her on the leash and went out on the patio to study. She was running around pouncing on bugs and having a good time, so I put the end of the leash down and let her run uninhibited, but we could still catch the end of the leash if she started to get too far away. When she realized that the leash handle would move when she got so far away, she started chasing it a little. Mostly in a weird circle around Sam's chair. She got tired of that pretty quickly and went back to pouncing on bugs and eating grass. There were a couple of times where she went too far, and we had to retrieve her, but otherwise, it was going quite well.

Until -

Somehow she dragged the leash handle over a rock or obstacle that hit the lock button and caused the leash to start retracting. She apparently thought that it was chasing her. She took off around the side of the house, and Sam and I jumped up to catch her. We got to the sidewalk and she was gone. Half second of panic and we see her streak around the other side of the building and into the apartment. We ran in and found her puffed up and cowering in the corner of the kitchen. Sam reached down to get her and the leash handle moved - she bolted again. This time we found her in the bedroom, with the handle almost up to her collar. We finally got the leash off and tried to calm her down, but she was having none of that. She went into the bathroom and just kind of huddled there for a little while.

After calming her down, Sam and I went back outside to study. We left the back door open, to see if she wanted to come out again. She didn't. Pretty much the farthest she got was sitting in the doorway looking out.

Needless to say, the leash has been retired.

I Gave Up Coffee for Lent

What the hell was I thinking?

Now, I'm not a very religious person, so it may come as a suprise to some of you that I observe Lent. However, I am very spiritual. I also believe in sacrifice. I observe Lent to remember to be thankful for everything I have. During Lent, I sacrifice something of importance to remember how little I could have - I could have nothing to sacrifice. As much as I don't have, I could have so much less. I always need to remember this.

This is why I observe Lent.

Make It Work

I'm officially at my limit. I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I'm overworked. I'm underpaid. I'm under...slept...

You get it.

I never really get any quality time with Sam. Either he's asleep or I'm asleep or one or both of us are studying. I don't get to do anything fun. And I still feel like I'm fucking everything up. I don't feel 100% about anything I've done so far this semester. Nothing. I'm ready to throw in the towel. Seriously, I'm almost at that point. One more email saying Come see me, we need to talk about this and I'm out.

Done.

And the apartment smells like crap because I never have time to clean. Just add it to the list, I'll get around to it sooner or later.

It's a Red Letter Day in Mayberry

Don Knotts, one of the greatest comedic actors of all time, has died in a Los Angeles hospital aged 81. He's most loved for playing Barney Fife on The Andy Griffith Show, but he's been in many movies and also co-stared on Three's Company.

Goodbye Bernie. We'll miss you.

Keith Olbermann is My New Hero

I have to start watching Countdown on MSNBC. I've seen too many good clips of Keith Olbermann to ignore it any longer.

This clip proves that Keith Olbermann deserves to be my new hero.

The More Pathetic Side of My Life

I am addicted to the most ridiculous game ever. Let me introduce you to Fish Tycoon. The premise of Fish Tycoon is that you, the game player, are too lazy and stupid to actually have real live fish, so you download a computer game where you simulate having live fish. The simulated live fish (simufish, if you will) must be fed in order to "stay alive" and sometimes you must actually give them medicine because they get gross green or white spots on them. Or if you don't want to spend the "money" for medicine, you can just trash them.

The "object" of the game is to "discover" new "breeds" of fish by "impregnating" one fish with another fish. Once the baby fish gets "old" enough, you can see what kind it is and what kind it's "parents" were. You can also sell fish and make "money" to improve your "tank" and buy more fish stuff. The game goes in real time so the fish grow, get hungry, and die even when the game isn't on (like real fish).

After many rounds of impregnating and selling various fish, you might have a beautiful "tank" of simufish to enjoy.
But don't take my word on how great this game is - here are some real quotes from people who have played the game:

This game is great. Its so much fun to have virtual
fish, because they don't make a mess. Fish Ivr, Texas
It is the best fish game I ever played Frank, Albany

Of course, the most fun part about it for me is waking up in the morning to see how many of my fish have died in my sleep.

My Own Slice of Heaven

I am currently in Panera Bread simultaneously listening to my iPod, blogging, working on school stuff that is fast approaching overdue-ness, and enjoying unlimited Diet Coke and coffee (separate cups - I'm not that odd) refills for as long as I continue to sit here. How could life get sweeter?

Due to the free Wi-Fi and afore mentioned drinks, Panera has now become my place of choice to do school work. I can't focus when I'm at home because of the numerous distractions that are my life. I tried going to the library one day and it was alright, it's just that there aren't unlimited cups of coffee at the library.

Playing the Fame Game

Here's an interesting article comparing the "antics" of Mr. Cheney and Mrs. Spears-Federline to two everyday "criminals."

Very interesting indeed.

Batchin it

Since about 3:00 today, Phoebe and I have been on our own. Sam's in Forsyth for training until Wednesday night. Since I have had about six and a half hours of "me time" I can tell you something - I'm not a good "alone" person. It feels like I've been in this apartment for DAYS when in fact, it has been just an hour since I got back from the grocery store.

I have no focus either. I'm supposed to be doing reading for my class tomorrow since I have about 100 pages left to read but all I can do is watch TV and drink Diet Coke.

I've got to get myself together. It's going to be a long 3 days.

More List O'Doom

So, honestly, I forgot about O'Reilly's "Media Operations that Traffic in Defamation" a.k.a "List O'Doom." I was scrolling through my backlog of posts and came across the one I wrote about said List O'Doom. And being the curious creature that I am, I wanted to see what other appalling publications had made the list (before the list contained such highly despicable filth mongers such as the The New York Times, The St. Petersburg Times, and MSNBC).

Lo and behold, four more names have appeared since last I checked! Wee! Now we have The New Yorker Magazine, Newsday, US News & World Report, and (duh duh duuuuhn) The Atlanta Journal-Constitution! Now, all of us Georgians know how vile and loathsome the AJC is. Personally, I can barely stand to see it around. I mean, when we got it for free in college, I could hardly stand to read it two or three times a week (or basically as often as I could find it lying around - the newspaper racks emptied quickly).

Now, looking at this list, I have to wonder - what have St. Petersburg, New York, and Atlanta done to make O'Reilly so mad? Why haven't other city papers been singled out? I would think that The Washington Post would've made the list long ago. And even a paper from San Fransisco, the city he offered up to terrorists, hasn't been named yet.

Any bets as to who gets named next?

More Poignant Than Ever

I know this is old and has been circling the net for a while, but it just seems so much truer today...